A Well Watered Garden

Just back from a vacation on a warm beautiful beach in Mexico. We planned this trip to "get away." Christmas is a very painful and difficult season to be home with all the memories of years past.  Landed at the resort on Day One and it hit me with greater intensity than I have felt in the past little while.  Despair and loneliness. I plunged into a dark hole once again and I did not have the strength to even hold on to all the promises of God. He seemed far and distant and all I could sense was darkness.  I felt sorry for my girls who looked at me unable to reach me and one of them verbalized what we had all secretly hoped for on this trip: "I thought our pain would go away for a while but it follows us." "Suffering is a strange, dark companion but a companion nonetheless. It's an unwelcome visitor, but still a visitor." Joni Eareckson Tada in her foreword to "the hardest peace" by Kara Tippets. All around me we...

Walked into my favourite Christian bookstore last week and I saw what I thought was a new product - cards for a difficult Christmas. I thought "Ahaa.. somebody finally realized that Christmas is not the happy time of year it is touted to be." When I commended the cashier for selling these, she said to me: "We have always had these cards for sale. They do get sold pretty quick though." Interesting - I had never noticed them before even though this is a store I have visited every year for my Christmas cards. I turned on the radio a couple of weeks ago, and I tuned in to what used to my favorite Christmas station streaming from Buffalo. 102.5 FM I listened to song after song and my mind just could not grasp the "joy" that I had always felt at Christmas. I felt like little Cindy Lou Who as she sang in the movie The Grinch who stole Christmas: Where are you Christmas  Why can't I find you  Why have you gone away  Where is the laughter  Y...

Seems like a number of people that I know have had or are having babies. It is a joyous time for sure. Some of them have chosen to know the sex of the baby and a couple have been firm about not wanting to know before hand. Technology will tell you a lot these days - is it a boy or girl? Is the child going to be healthy? In my Bible study this week we were looking at another pregnant woman.  Genesis 25:21. Rebekah the wife of Isaac was pregnant. This pregnancy had been prayed for. "And Isaac prayed to the Lord for his wife, because she was barren. And the Lord granted his prayer, and Rebekah his wife conceived". Now Rebekah was very uncomfortable because we are told "the children struggled within her". Who better to go to than The Creator Himself. "So she went to inquire of the Lord." vs22  And the Lord said to her. “Two nations are in your womb, and two peoples from within you shall be divided; the one shall be stronger than the other,th...

 A few years ago, when I was praying with my husband he gently led me to listen to my own prayers.  Julius was a scientist, not a linguist. He spoke to the point but when he prayed, he prayed God's attributes. He sought after God daily and God blessed him with a deep knowledge of His Character and His attributes.  My prayers on the other hand were lengthy, wordy and often a long laundry list. I was always very grateful for the many blessings that God had given me and I thanked Him. He had given me a wonderful husband, a strong marriage, financial stability, a beautiful warm home, 2 precious girls who are following the Lord, a strong ministry in the church, a home small group that was growing in numbers and maturity etc etc. At about the same time I was privileged to attend a seminar on Quiet time at Bible Study Fellowship  and these 2 events changed my prayer life in a very significant way. It was God Almighty preparing me for this tragedy. I be...

Three days after Julius went home to the Lord, God spoke to me through Psalm 77. I was reading Julius' NLT version desperately trying to connect with Julius through his underlined verses. In the process of trying to connect with him, I found myself connecting with My Lord in greater intimacy. In those early days I could hear His gentle whisper to me. He promised to make a way where there was no way. He had taken the nation of Israel through the Red Sea and He was going to take me through this sea of grief and loss. Your road led through the sea,      your pathway through the mighty waters—      a pathway no one knew was there! Ps 77:19 I have been back since to see how God has fulfilled that promise to me. What are the mighty waters that He has enabled me to cross without being drowned? He has given me joy in the midst of suffering. To be honest I think the pain is more now than it was a year ago. I cannot glamorize this state of...

"His grace is sufficient" The Apostle Paul had a thorn in his flesh. It was given to him. A messenger of Satan. To harass him. To keep him from being too elated. He pleaded over and over and over again to the Lord to take it away...2 Corinthians 12:1-10 But God's answer to him was:  “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Cor 12:9-10. I have had a year and half to think about this verse.  In an interesting article by John Piper "Power in Weakness" he explores the meaning of the word weakness in this verse. Insults, hardships, persecutions and calamities." These are circumstances and situations and experiences and wounds that make us look weak: things we wo...

Yes it's been a while... Have not been able to come to My Garden because it seemed like I had nothing blooming just now... Seemed like the journey got darker, lonelier, harder... Unmet expectations and a sense of entitlement in my heart... Looking for friendships and support in the wrong places... Having the theology in my head and not my heart... Reading the Word and not totally believing it... My mind filling up with hurts... ...and my never ending To Do List ( I have a book of lists now!) Oh how grateful I am for the love of my Savior that never gives  up on me. That He promises that He will be with me "always,to the end of the age." Matt 28:20 So grateful that He never tires of my questions. How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? Psalm 13:1-2 Don't you love the psalms? The au...