Total Surrender - Releasing my grip...

"I surrender all.." I have sung this song many times but never quite meant it. These days I am learning what surrender means.

You really don't know how tight your grip is till you are asked to let go! I thought I lived a surrendered life, not till I felt the call to leave my country, which meant leaving my parents, my dearest friends, my apartment, my lifestyle, my heart it seemed then (1996).

Letting go of my children as they left the nest for university. That was a hard one for me!

Later it was letting go of my ancestral home - so many childhood treasures piled into one big bonfire. Left only with a sense of loss and yet so many memories. Memories do not seem to dull pain do they?

I question: why it is so hard to surrender? Perhaps it is a struggle with obedience, a very distrust of God and the fact that He has my future in control. And yet He tells me: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

I am holding on real tight - this time to Him.

Comments

"Joy comes with the morning." Psalm 30

"You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!" Three days after Julius went home to the Lord, God had given me a promise. He had spoken to me from Psalm 77. Just like He had moved the nation of Israel, He was going to make a way through the deep waters of suffering that I was in. A way that I could not see, a way that I had to trust. I had to make a choice to move forward and believe that the waters would not drown me. (Is 43:2). I had to believe Him. It is one year and 9 months and there are days even now when the waters seem to overwhelm and there are days when I see a glimpse of the path ahead. Through the prophet Isaiah He says: 'Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness...

Thankful

Another first... Last year we had my Papa and Julius at the dinner table. Couple of weeks later my Dad passed away - slipped away in his sleep. Six months later Julius was gone to heaven. To be honest I have asked God "What are you thinking God?" "How do you expect me to move on with so much loss and grief?" And "What is coming next?" I confess that none of these questions are answered because they are not worthy to be asked. God is Sovereign, He is Creator and He is in control and I am so comforted by His Word. In the book of Job I read: But he is unchangeable, and who can turn him back? What he desires, that he does. 14 For he will complete what he appoints for me, and many such things are in his mind . Job 23:13-14. And again in Lamentations 3 For the Lord will not cast off forever, 32 but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love; 33 for he doe...

The past 2 weeks

How do I describe these last 2 weeks of my life? May 7th, 2013 a seemingly ordinary day. Julius dressed for work in his new red checked shirt, and new flat front khakis. feeling good, looking great, bounding off to work with a huge smile and a hug with a promise to come home. Last conversation "guess what I read in the book of Jeremiah today" (always, always excited about God's Word) "don't put my pyjamas to the wash", (knowing my habit of throwing everything to the wash), helping me clear the room for the workmen who were coming that day to change the windows (my strong man), "thank you for making my lunch" (always so gracious and thankful). 10 am - a call from work to say that he was not yet there. No answer on his cell phone - wouldn't have returned a call anyway because his phone was in the trunk of his car (safe driving habit). I just knew that something was horribly wrong. and then a blur of OPP officer at the door, phone call to Ale...

A Well Watered Garden

Search This Blog