3 weeks today. Waking up is always so hard. Yet I must.
The ache seems so deeper - does it ever go away?
I search God's Word for comfort, and I back again in Psalm 77. How appropriate - Asaph's language reflects my very mournings.
I cry out to God; yes, I shout. Oh, that God would listen to me!
2 When I was in deep trouble, I searched for the Lord.
All night long I prayed, with hands lifted toward heaven, but my soul was not comforted.
3 I think of God, and I moan, overwhelmed with longing for his help
You don’t let me sleep. I am too distressed even to pray!
5 I think of the good old days, long since ended,
6 when my nights were filled with joyful songs. I search my soul and ponder the difference now.
7 Has the Lord rejected me forever? Will he never again be kind to me?
8 Is his unfailing love gone forever? Have his promises permanently failed?
9 Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has he slammed the door on his compassion?
And I said, “This is my fate; the Most High has turned his hand against me.”
11 But then I recall all you have done, O Lord; I remember your wonderful deeds of long ago.
12 They are constantly in my thoughts. I cannot stop thinking about your mighty works.
Like the psalmist I decided to stop and remember all that God has done for me that I did not deserve. I am thankful for:
The ache seems so deeper - does it ever go away?
I search God's Word for comfort, and I back again in Psalm 77. How appropriate - Asaph's language reflects my very mournings.
I cry out to God; yes, I shout. Oh, that God would listen to me!
2 When I was in deep trouble, I searched for the Lord.
All night long I prayed, with hands lifted toward heaven, but my soul was not comforted.
3 I think of God, and I moan, overwhelmed with longing for his help
You don’t let me sleep. I am too distressed even to pray!
5 I think of the good old days, long since ended,
6 when my nights were filled with joyful songs. I search my soul and ponder the difference now.
7 Has the Lord rejected me forever? Will he never again be kind to me?
8 Is his unfailing love gone forever? Have his promises permanently failed?
9 Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has he slammed the door on his compassion?
And I said, “This is my fate; the Most High has turned his hand against me.”
11 But then I recall all you have done, O Lord; I remember your wonderful deeds of long ago.
12 They are constantly in my thoughts. I cannot stop thinking about your mighty works.
Like the psalmist I decided to stop and remember all that God has done for me that I did not deserve. I am thankful for:
- Jesus - my Saviour and Lord
- The fact that Julius is in heaven. (As an aside, if you are reading this and you have not accepted Jesus as your Saviour, I plead with you to go the Word and carefully look at the gospel of John. There is only One True God my dearest reader. It is a lie that all roads lead to Heaven. It is also a lie that any of us is good enough to go to heaven. Scripture says that our righteousness is like filthy rags - we need a Saviour and God sent His only Son to die for us, to pay for our sins - He is the only Way. He is the Way. It is a lie that the rituals of traditional religion will take us to heaven. God wants our hearts, not our rituals. Jesus says: “Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends..." Rev 3:20. Open your heart to Him my friend. He is knocking even now).
- God's Word that sustains me every minute of every day
- Every breath that I take
- My girls - wonderful treasures, lives transformed by Him
- My Church family
- Meals on the table lovingly prepared even to this day by loving friends and family
- Loving friends that have stood with us
- Constant emails and text messages with scriptures
- Friends that have come in and done our yard work for us
- Daniel
- So many beautiful memories with Julius - my joy of having known this wonderful man for 32 years
- My car and the ability to drive
- Financial provision for this time
- My job
- My workplace that allowed me to change locations so I can be closer to my girls/home
- The elders and pastors of my church who are ever willing to come to our aid and walk alongside us.
- My health
- My home - a place that is filled with memories of joy and laughter.
- Summer
- My drive to work through beautiful corn fields.
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