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The past 2 weeks

How do I describe these last 2 weeks of my life?
May 7th, 2013 a seemingly ordinary day. Julius dressed for work in his new red checked shirt, and new flat front khakis. feeling good, looking great, bounding off to work with a huge smile and a hug with a promise to come home.
Last conversation "guess what I read in the book of Jeremiah today" (always, always excited about God's Word) "don't put my pyjamas to the wash", (knowing my habit of throwing everything to the wash), helping me clear the room for the workmen who were coming that day to change the windows (my strong man),  "thank you for making my lunch" (always so gracious and thankful).
10 am - a call from work to say that he was not yet there. No answer on his cell phone - wouldn't have returned a call anyway because his phone was in the trunk of his car (safe driving habit).
I just knew that something was horribly wrong. and then a blur of OPP officer at the door, phone call to Alekhya at work, drive to Sunnybrooke hospital, church family just showing up at our side, praying, crying out to God desperately, before we knew it or could believe it he was gone to His Maker.
Disbelief, heart and mind not making a connection.
For 2 days, my mind and body screamed silently "NOOOOOOOOOO"
How can this be?  Ministry was going great, our marriage was at the sweetest it had ever been, Julius was looking to retirement wanting to serve the Lord and asking for His direction, plans, dreams for our girls...
Even the actual accident does not make sense. Why us?
But God...
“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
    “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so my ways are higher than your ways
    and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. Is 55:8-9
As a family we had made a commitment to turn to the Lord and to remind each other when needed,to turn to Him. Julius and I would say that we have heard of and tasted the goodness of the Lord for so long that when the rubber hits the road we had to look to Him and believe His promises. I seem to remember vaguely that we had trials in the past - but this big a trial? How was I to go on? My soulmate, my best friend, the leader of my household, gone, never to return.
But God... The bigger the trial the bigger Our God.
In the same way King David cried out in Ps 61 I did:
O God, listen to my cry!
    Hear my prayer!
From the ends of the earth,
    I cry to you for help
    when my heart is overwhelmed.
Lead me to the towering rock of safety,
    for you are my safe refuge,
It was the only place that we could go to, the only place that we must go to and so painfully we started to look up.
Opened Julius' bible - what had he read that morning that I could not even remember him telling me about.
There it was underlined Jeremiah 6:16
This is what the Lord says:“Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it.Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls."
Yes we are at crossroads at a full stop in our lives. Lord I want the old tried, true and tested path of your Word. I want to walk only in your way and I am clinging to your promise that you will give me rest.

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