Skip to main content

3 months today


It is 3 months to the day and I can’t help but go back and revisit my loss and still feel the intensity of the pain.

Longing for some contact with Julius today, I opened his journal and read his testimony on a trial he was going through last year. His comment at the end was:  Now I know that in trials – God refines us in the crucible of fire. Our faith is tested, and he takes us only to the limits for which He sustains us with His grace. He has revealed His love for me (in this trial)”

For sure I am in the furnace now and the heat seems to get more intense. Some will say to me “time will heal.” I am not sure this is true. This circumstance can never be reversed – Julius is never coming back home. What is going to fill that void for me?

 A dear friend who has walked this road before me said that the loss of your husband is like an amputation. It does heal but it takes a long time and then for some reason or the other the scab falls off and it bleeds again and again.

And yes my faith is being tested. But God promises that  “No temptation[a] has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted[b] beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted,[c] he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it”. 1 Cor 10:13.

Our gracious God is faithful. As Julius felt I also believe that even though sometimes the pain of loss seems unbearable, His grace is sufficient.

 Joni Ericson Tada in an article entitled God’s Plan A says: “When suffering sandblasts us to the core, the true stuff of which we are made is revealed. Suffering lobs a hand grenade into our self centeredness, blasting our soul bare, so we can be better bonded to the Saviour.”

This is the love of My God that will not rest till He moulds me to be more like His Son Jesus. I end this day thanking Him that He cares enough to not give up on me as He moulds and perfectly carves what He wants in me.

Lord I joyously submit to You, trusting that You are working all things together for my good.



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A Letter to My Grandson on His First Birthday

  My darling Baby D, Today is the twentieth anniversary of an event that changed the world forever.  This event that we call 9/11 is in your history books but it is a reality that I share with you. So much more has happened to this world since then. 2020 was the year of the pandemic - this time your reality more than mine. You actually got the dreaded covid bug. It has been a year and some of isolation, masks, vaccines and fear all around us.  Each new day makes our reality uncertain and changing all the time. And yet for me this is a day of hope. 9/11 of 2020 is what I will call it. I had prayed for over five years - sometimes fervently, sometimes desperately, sometimes, honestly not at all. I often got tired of waiting but my weak faith was not going to stop God’s plan.  A year has gone by and I have watched you grow from the tiny fragile little baby, to a  boy who cannot sit still. Oh what joy you bring to my heart. I love your welcome at the condo and yo...

"Joy comes with the morning." Psalm 30

"You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!" Three days after Julius went home to the Lord, God had given me a promise. He had spoken to me from Psalm 77. Just like He had moved the nation of Israel, He was going to make a way through the deep waters of suffering that I was in. A way that I could not see, a way that I had to trust. I had to make a choice to move forward and believe that the waters would not drown me. (Is 43:2).  I had to believe Him. It is one year and 9 months and there are days even now when the waters seem to overwhelm and there are days when I see a glimpse of the path ahead. Through the prophet Isaiah He says: 'Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness...

Oh, The Places We Went

There comes a time when you know it is time... A time to de-clutter. 18 years of stuff and 7 years since Julius has gone. Where does one start with an endeavor of this kind? I don’t think my heart and emotions are ready But there comes a time when you must do what you need to do. So I decided I will work my way up! Starting at the lowest shelf of the bookcase in the lowest part of the house seemed like a good idea. Armed with a few boxes, I descended to a place I don’t visit much these days. The basement - a place that once was a hub of activity. Crafts, games, friends, cable TV - all happened in this cheerful and brightly painted room. I looked around forlornly and before I could change my mind and run back up, I dug out the bottom of the bottom shelf. Memories came flooding back. Oh, the places we went! Maps, Brochures, CAA Travel Trip Tiks! Road trips, flights - all carefully planned. Oh the places we went The sights we saw The memories we made To remember so many years later today....