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3 months today


It is 3 months to the day and I can’t help but go back and revisit my loss and still feel the intensity of the pain.

Longing for some contact with Julius today, I opened his journal and read his testimony on a trial he was going through last year. His comment at the end was:  “Now I know that in trials – God refines us in the crucible of fire. Our faith is tested, and he takes us only to the limits for which He sustains us with His grace. He has revealed His love for me (in this trial)”

For sure I am in the furnace now and the heat seems to get more intense. Some will say to me “time will heal.” I am not sure this is true. This circumstance can never be reversed – Julius is never coming back home. What is going to fill that void for me?

 A dear friend who has walked this road before me said that the loss of your husband is like an amputation. It does heal but it takes a long time and then for some reason or the other the scab falls off and it bleeds again and again.

And yes my faith is being tested. But God promises that  “No temptation[a] has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted[b] beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted,[c] he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it”. 1 Cor 10:13.

Our gracious God is faithful. As Julius felt I also believe that even though sometimes the pain of loss seems unbearable, His grace is sufficient.

 Joni Ericson Tada in an article entitled God’s Plan A says: “When suffering sandblasts us to the core, the true stuff of which we are made is revealed. Suffering lobs a hand grenade into our self centeredness, blasting our soul bare, so we can be better bonded to the Saviour.”

This is the love of My God that will not rest till He moulds me to be more like His Son Jesus. I end this day thanking Him that He cares enough to not give up on me as He moulds and perfectly carves what He wants in me.

Lord I joyously submit to You, trusting that You are working all things together for my good.



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