My daughter's journey of faith after Julius went home to the Lord

This is my daughter's journey of faith as she presented it to the women of our church. 

I guess I’ll start with the question of the evening, which is: "Where would you be if not for Christ's Redemption?"
I have to say that: "I would have been separated from God, enslaved by a false sense of entitlement, but instead I’m boasting in the Cross"  

John Piper  once wrote: “For there is no greater joy, than joy in the greatness of God. And if we must suffer to see this and savour it most deeply, then suffering is a mercy.”

As many of you know, last year in the month of May my dad was involved in a tragic motor vehicle accident. I’ll never forget the phone call I received, and the day will forever remain one of the darkest days of my entire life. I have never cried out to God so much, for anyone, or anything....only to find out that the answer was a resounding “no”. I never had the chance to say goodbye or to prepare myself for the stark new reality. It felt like an impossible reality....I began a journey of extreme anger that manifested itself in different ways. It took a while for me to realize that my anger was in fact directed at God - why would he allow this to happen? Everything in me revolted against the change in my family and I absolutely hated the Christianese platitudes offered by my well meaning brothers and sisters.

“God has a plan”, “things will get better in time”....I didn’t buy it.

 In the days that followed, my anger continued to grow, I felt very far away from God and I felt like I was hollow. However, something inside me—the Holy Spirit of God—moved in me, encouraging me to act in obedience. The Bible says that once we accept Jesus into our hearts that we are sealed the with holy spirit (Eph 1:13)  and He lives inside of us, convicting us, guiding us and enabling us to do His will.

So, every morning, regardless of how I felt, I picked up a book given to me by my dad which contained scriptures about the glories of the gospel. Each day I preached the gospel to myself....and each day, I was reminded of how sinful I am and how merciful our God almighty is. He convicted me that –up until then, my love for Him was based on the good things in my life, not on the simple fact that He is good. Period. When my life as I knew it was ripped away from me---suddenly I didn’t love God like I used to. You see, the truth is, the next breath is a gift from God! If life was fair, I would deserve a whole lot worse for all the sins I’ve committed against God. I realized that I have much to be thankful for....I am saved by his grace alone, I am a citizen of heaven, I am a co-heir with Christ, I am a daughter of the King of Kings, I have an imperishable inheritance, and one day I will be casting my crowns before Christ who is seated on the throne—who is the ONLY one who is worthy to receive glory, honor, and power, and praise--for he created all things and by his will, they exist. (Rev 4:10-11) He created my Dad, He created me....He created all of you. He is sovereign, and while I may never receive the answers to the “Whys” in my life....and believe me, I have many ‘why’ questions! I have learned to take heart in this—that nothing happens by mistake under His watch, and that He will never leave me or forsake me....He will walk me through the worst trail and I will come out on the other side—transformed more into the image of Christ and with a greater appreciation and understanding of who He is

So, my anger did not melt away overnight...however, as I drew near to God in obedience, He drew near to me and healed my broken heart. He did what I thought was impossible---which was to give me actual JOY in the midst of my worst case scenario. He put love for him back in my heart again. He provided for my family in numerous ways and HE IS our strength and the hope that we live by each day. He moved in marvelous ways in the church body here at harvest York region....who I can now say are truly my family. I have been in a few different small groups since joining harvest—a home small group, young adults & of course my women’s small group. I can say whole-heartedly that it is a truly a blessing from the Lord to have brothers and sisters come along side me, pray for me, stick by me and point me to my Saviour---especially in those dark moments which I’m tempted to despair and believe the lies of the enemy. I am so glad I took the leap, rolled up my sleeves and really opened myself up to my brothers and sisters. If you are considering joining a small group—I highly recommend you do it! It will definitely not be a perfect small group and it will take time to build relationships....but believe me, when trials come—and they will—this is a promise from God’s word!...you will be glad to have a family of believers to lean on. We cannot walk this Christian life alone.

Over the past year, I have learned many lessons...I am a definitely a NEW woman. It’s too much to fit into a short testimony....some of which I probably would not even be able to express even in words! So, I’ll leave you with a passage which the one passage which is my go-to passage on some of my worst days:

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.””

Rev 21:4