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Looking back at the pathway that He made



Three days after Julius went home to the Lord, God spoke to me through Psalm 77. I was reading Julius' NLT version desperately trying to connect with Julius through his underlined verses.

In the process of trying to connect with him, I found myself connecting with My Lord in greater intimacy. In those early days I could hear His gentle whisper to me.

He promised to make a way where there was no way. He had taken the nation of Israel through the Red Sea and He was going to take me through this sea of grief and loss.

Your road led through the sea,
    your pathway through the mighty waters—
    a pathway no one knew was there! Ps 77:19

I have been back since to see how God has fulfilled that promise to me.

What are the mighty waters that He has enabled me to cross without being drowned?

He has given me joy in the midst of suffering. To be honest I think the pain is more now than it was a year ago. I cannot glamorize this state of widowhood. It is painful and nasty. The pain stalks you - feels like I have a constant video running in my head that only I can see. And yet I cannot explain the joy of the Lord that is my strength in this pain.

I am able to function because of the strength that is this joy.

He has given me strength of character that is able to look at adversity in the face and not panic.

He has given me compassion that I never had. Grace to give out that is not my own. 

He has given me food on the table and provided for my every physical need.

He has enabled me to go back to work 3 weeks after the accident and never once call in sick.

He has given me grace and compassion to interface all day with angry clients who hate insurance and insurance agents. 

He opened the road to make the journey back to India. He placed it on a friend's heart to travel with me. Who but God could do this for me...

Sometimes it feels like I have spent the last year trying to erase Julius name from every document that I posses - He has given me the assurance that Julius name was written in the Book of the Lamb and it will never be erased.

He has given me a church family that has stood by me and supported me. 

He has opened a ministry for me to serve the women of my church. I wondered if I would be of any use after this blow - but His power is made perfect in my weakness. 

He has given me hope through His Son Jesus Christ. The gospel has become far more real to me. It is no longer a theory in my head but a reality in my heart. So so grateful for Jesus.

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